Ethel (Confidential)

By November 9, 2019 November 18th, 2019 No Comments

Dear Diary,

So, everybody knows that Jessi isn’t my REAL mom, right? Right. Calling her ‘mom’ makes her think she my boss…whatever)  (a.k.a. mrsbossypants) Prime example – my dental yesterday.

Did I need to get my teeth cleaned? Absolutely not. Humans are such fuss budgets. So annoying. Yesterday morning I didn’t get breakfast. Clue number one. Then Bailey tried to give me a treat but mrsbossypants said no. Clue number two. Actually, looking back I should have seen it coming. About a week ago, Sarah said that my breath was horacious.  (which, P.S. horacious isn’t even a word!) Mom just said, “Yep, it really is! (again… not a word) (plus, Sarah gets to be rude just because she’s a human???) (plus, do they think THEIR breath isn’t offensive? Do I flinch when I smell the toothpaste?) (#worstever!) Even more insulting mom blurts out, acting all disgusted, that I eat poop. How is that a BAD thing? I save her a bunch of work in the backyard! Sorry. Not sorry.

Here is something important, I’ve never met one single human, not even ONE, who likes going to the dentist. Well, maybe children but nobody offers me stickers or cool toothbrushes so, no wonder. I got called out from under the desk, as if I was getting a treat. Remember, I am STARVING TO DEATH…but she wasn’t giving me a treat. She just took me to see Ashley and Bethany. Don’t get me wrong, they are both great but I know what they’re doing on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday mornings. Remember, I’ve been around this place a long time. I know what’s up.

So, a few days ago, I told you about my feelings and I was having A LOT of feelings. (A. hungry) (B. annoyed) (C. hungry) I did my best to show everyone exactly how much I didn’t want my teeth cleaned by trying to look super sad. Nobody cared. (which did really make me sad) (Plus besides that they were all laughing at my sad act) (Plus, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM thought it was soooo funny. News flash people, it was not funny). Little did I know that I would miss every bit of it because Bethany gave me some medicine that made me sleep (I did feel very rested and relaxed when I woke up but whatever…) So, it really wasn’t bad (which it would have been nice if someone had told me that) (which I suppose I wouldn’t have really listened. Whatever.) All this leaves me wondering why humans don’t just get that medicine when they go to the dentist? Might as well whistle into the wind, nobody listens to me.

Happily, now my teeth have the Mom Stamp of Approval, Dr. Megan said clean teeth will keep me healthy, no more gunk bacteria in my bloodstream, now there are x-rays of the roots of my teeth, now there is a report of my blood values. I guess that’s all important. I was just glad to be back under the desk, curled up with Millie. Can’t wait to clean up the backyard when I get home! I’m starving!


Unbelievable…they read my diary!!! (which is a violation of my privacy) (which is #rude) (which is soooo #rude! #nosy) Okay, so ‘horacious’ is a word but that doesn’t change anything…except now I have to bury you… 

Bye for now, Ethel


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